My sweet Peaches.

April 28, only 6 days after we took my Peaches to the vet, she passed away. Only 6 days after we noticed her breathing. Ultimately, the fluid in her lungs from the cancer just made it too difficult for her to breathe. She got to the point where she couldn't even lay down to sleep. A few days after her first visit I noticed her breathing was getting a little worse. I called the vet to see if there was any way we would drain the fluid in her lungs or if there was any other treatment we could do. So Tuesday we went in, and he gave her a certain medicine that was supposed to help with the fluid, and it worked SO well! I was extremely optimistic. But, by 9:30ish that night, it got back to the point where she couldn't lay down to sleep again. I got so scared that I litterally got physically ill, as if I had the flu. It was horrible. I was so nervous and afraid. Wednesday morning we took her to the vet, and told him how she did so well, but by bedtime she couldn't lay down. So he decided to up the dosage a bit, try that, but if it didn't work to not wait until the next day but to call him that afternoon. Well, hours went by, and she didn't get any better. She still couldn't lay down. I knew it was time. Around 3:30 that afternoon I called, and they told me to come right in. I cannot explain how heart broken Louie and I are. Not only was it just horrible to watch her go through this, but to make the decision to not prolong it for her was heart wrenching. I couldn't stay in the room, but my husband just couldn't leave her alone. I knew she would have wanted me there, she was beyond attached to me, but I just couldn't watch them do that to her. My husband decided to stay so she wouldn't be alone, he said he held her paw the whole time, but in a way he almost regrets because he said the image is etched in his mind. We went there with Peaches, and left with her collar in a plastic bag. It seriously feels like someone has punched me in the stomach. Its so hard to be home. I see her EVERYWHERE here, I expect her to walk around the corner to find me. Walking by her dog bowl every morning. Seeing her bed next to ours in the bedroom. It KILLS me. We miss her to much. Last night Chloe came into the room for bedtime, and she walked over to Peaches bed and sniffed it, and just walked away, it was as if she was looking for Peaches. :( I know it will get easier in time, and I'm doing alot better today than I was a couple days ago, but its still miserable. A part of our family is gone, and it just doesn't feel right without her. Some people may not understand if they aren't huge animal lovers, but Peaches was like our child. We will miss her for the rest of our lives. :(

Bad bad day.

Yesterday we noticed our dog Peaches was breathing very deeply. She wasn't panting, but it was as if she was running around and breathing hard. She was also hacking/coughing as well. Peaches is about 11-12 years old so I was a little worried. When we noticed she was still breathing the same even as she was asleep, I knew I had to call the vet. When I described to them what was going on, they didn't even want an appt, and just told me to bring her right in. Well, after first listening to her heart, the vet heard alot of fluid and thought that her heart was leaking. He wanted to keep her for a few hours to take some xrays. Our vet knows about our situation being laid off, and he said he wouldn't cut corners with her but he would keep in mind our situation and call us before performing anything. Well, after taking xrays he found there was much much more fluid than he thought. And it was OUTSIDE the lungs, not inside. Which is pressing on the lungs making it difficult for her to breathe. He couldn't see the heart clearly so he recommended doing an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech only comes in once a week and thank you Lord he was there TODAY. He just wanted to call before doing it being the ultrasound was over $400 itself. But, it was the only way to find the problem, so I had to do it. Well, the heart was fine. And during the procedure they took a sample of the fluid, and it was blood tinged. Which is a very bad sign. So basically, there was a couple situations for that he said, one she got in contact (like eaten) something like rat poison. But I dont even own rat poison, and shes hardly EVER outside, other than to go potty and come right back in, so its not like she ate an animal that was poisoned. Or, its possible a tick bit her and fell off and she has some disease from it, which I'm PRAYING for because the only other option is it's cancer. And theres a tumor that is bleeding inside her. And if its anything but cancer, we can treat it. But, not cancer. And with her being 11-12 years old, I'm so afraid that it is cancer. My poor baby. I've only had her for 4 1/2 years. But she is my WORLD. Shes not just a pet to me, shes like my child. She was rescused from a puppy mill, and we got her when she was around 6 or 7. Since the first time the rescue brought her in our first little apartment Louie and I had, she INSTANTLY became attached to me. Instantly. She's my shadow. No matter where I go, she follows me. I can't imagine life without her. Luckily, the vet said she isn't in any pain. Thank God. She doesn't really even act like anythings wrong either! He couldn't believe how normal she seemed. Tomorrow we find out the results. I'm so scared. Please pray for us.

Finding out the gender.

For as long as I can remember, I've ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS wanted to wait until birth to find out the sex of my baby when I got pregnant. Louie even completely agreed with me. We both thought of all the surprises in the world, that it would be the best one. BUT, tonight I was reading a girl's blog who is currently pregnant, and she was talking about how the idea popped into her head to have a gender reveal party. That they would take a friend with them to the ultrasound, the tech would tell the friend, and then they would have the friend bake (or buy i guess lol) a cake, and have the middle dyed blue or pink, and that at the party that would be the way they would find out. I fell in love with the idea! How fun would that be? And to be able to share it with everyone close to you. I brought it up to my husband and he actually liked the idea alot also. He also said "Plus cake is involved" lol. Figures. But I really think that would be an awesome way to find out. Granted, I'll have to actually make that decision whenever I actually get pregnant. But I'm glad I read her blog. It'll give me alot of time to contemplate what I'll want to do when the time comes. :)

Doctors Appointment, and possible bad news.

So a few days ago was my appointment with the doctor. First up, I had to get a pap smear. I'm REALLY bad with getting those every year. (sorry if this is a little TMI). LORD HAVE MERCY it was horrible. Worst one yet. BUT, best doctor yet. She was the nicest doctor I think I've ever had. I loved her. But oh my goodness, pap smears are very painful for me. My cervix is apparently very far in there so it was a little difficult. I was on the verge of crying. Ugh. I dont even want to THINK about it.

ANYWAY, so afterwards we talked about me conceiving. She was so supportive and so nice. She thought first she would like to start me on metformin. Apparently its a drug for people who have diabetes, but for people who DON'T it does something along the lines of making my body reconginze it's hormones better, and it should help regulate my periods and help me concieve. She said she's seen alot of women with my same issues get pregnant when starting metformin. So thats exciting. I have to take a progestrone every month when I don't like taking, at all. Sometimes it makes me have more than one period a month and the cramps can get painful. So we're hoping this metformin will help bring my cycles closer together so I don't have to take the progestrone. She also wanted me to take a blood test to test my thyroid levels because if those aren't correct that could be a factor with all of this as well. Which of course, turns out, my dosage for my thyroid isn't correct. So she has me taking a higher dosage and I have to go back in 8 weeks for another blood test to make sure thats what I could be taking. BUT, she also said she wants me to hold off trying to get pregnant until we figure it out since it potentially could harm the baby. I'm just relieved I've already taken the first step. I'm trying to be really positive about it.

Now, on a little scarier note. Back in the beginning of January my husband applied to be an apprentice for the pipefitters union. My dad knows one of the head honcho guys there and Louie was even able to go in and talk to him which normally you just apply and leave. He told Louie that the next step is a math (algebra) test in May. So ever since then he's been getting tutoring for alegbra since its not one of his strong suits to prepare. Well, we still hadn't recieved any information (which we were supposed to) about the test yet. So the other day Louie called to find out when it was or when the information was going to be sent out. Apparently the lady who answered said something along the lines that it was cancelled, that too many guys were out of a job, and something about being put in a pool of applicants. Whatever that means. Louie said she didn't seem to know what she was talking about too well, that she mumbled a bit, and she also said something about waiting until 2011. UGH! So the next day he tried to contact the head honcho guy he had met with. I guess he was out on the field and so he left a message for him but we still haven't heard back. We are worried because we were REALLY depending on this and Louies been preparing so hard for the test! And just 2 weeks until May they say this? I guess the lady said that they are sending out letters with all the information on whats going on soon, we were supposed to get it today, but we didn't so hopefully Monday it will come. Not to mention I'm still waiting to hear back on the test I took for the school district. Hopefully I passed and I'll hear back soon, but that test was HARD.

Well, I better get to bed. I'm determined to start going to church more often, so I really want to go tomorrow. :)

Hole.

I honestly feel like there is some sort of hole or void in my body. Whenever I watch a baby show, or even just think of babies, I seriously almost FEEL it inside. It's an ache inside me. Its hard to explain. I want to be a mother so incredibly bad. I'm just so frustrated with our situation. It would be so irresponsible to get pregnant right now, with both of us being laid off a few months back. And I'm also angry, because my previous work laying both my husband and I off SO suddenly and at the same time, for bullcrap reasons. Claiming they want to cut $25,000 a MONTH off payroll, yet WE were the only ones laid off. Being told for a year, that if it ever came down to us needing to get laid off, they would let us know LONG in advance to try to help us so we could get another job. I'm so ANGRY with them. YET, at the same time, we were SO miserable there. But I just keep thinking how if it wasn't for them laying us off, we could be actively trying to conceive our child right now. So knowing that I HAVE to put getting pregnant on hold is KILLING me. Thursday Louie and I are going to the doctor, mostly for me to just get an all around physical, and talk to my doctor about my irregular cycles and what she thinks of (eventually) me having to take possibly Clomid. My mom had fertility issues, and I'm 90% positive I will also. Especially with my irregular cycles. My last was back in February. But yet the pills I was prescribed to take to start my period, I can't take if I'm TRYING to get pregnant. So I want to talk to the doctor about all our options and what she thinks we should do. I know God has a plan, and that our time will come. I just feel heartbroken and frustrated.

I recently took a test (one of THREE) to try to get a job at a school district near us. I feel discouraged though because I walk in and the booklet we tested out of was literally like 90 pages. It was like a SAT test! Not to mention, theres only 5 vacancies for the particular position, and there was a classroom FULL of people along with me. And when people finished and left, the lady would come around and replace new booklets. SO I'm hoping it was for a different test for another position. Otherwise, theres even more people I'm up against. The test wasn't easy either. And I won't find out for a few WEEKS the lady said to find out if I passed. IF I pass this test I have to go back to take a written test, if I pass that then I have to go back to take a data entry test THEN if I pass that then I will have a panel interview. It's like I'm trying to be the dang principle! Ugh! I can't tell you how many times I prayed in that classroom. I hope I passed. I've been emailing other christian schools locally but as of yet I've had no luck. I hope something comes along soon! Next month is my husbands test for the pipe fitters union also. He's been doing math tutoring so I'm hoping he'll do good as well. We need this so badly! So please say a few prayers for our little family if you wouldn't mind. Thank you <3

Gardening.

Sorry I've been so MIA! There just hasn't been a ton to write about really!

Well, the past week or so I've been outside alot, planting some flowers and veggies. First I replanted some new flowers in our little wheelbarrow out front. The other flowers we planted last year I didn't like so much anymore, so I pulled those out and replanted some new ones. I forgot to take a picture of those. But then I planted a bell pepper plant, some strawberries, and a tomato plant. My mom had bought us one of those Topsy Turvey things to grow tomatoes in, so hopefully it works. If not, I'll just plant it in a normal container lol. And since the water drains out of the container, I didn't want it just dripping on the wood (they are all on our balcony) every day, so I got a pot and planted some flowers and set that underneath to catch the water the topsy turvey drips. I can't wait to cook with the veggies I grow! A month or two back I bought this herb growing set from Lowes, it had 3 small pots, with basil, parsley and chive seeds. They sprouted really fast, and the chives and parsley seemed to grow pretty quickly to a few inches, and the basil was a little slower, but then they just stopped growing. So I replanted them in a bigger container hoping they just needed more space. Here's some pictures:

Boring.

So hubby and I are still sick. I'm feeling a little better than he is though. We ended up going to the doctors the other day though just to make sure it was nothing other than a cold, and of course, it wasn't. SO that was a waste of almost $100. Oh well, better to be safe than sorry I guess.

So not a whole lot is new. My best friend came over though, it was nice to catch up with her. I wasn't feeling well obviously, so we just hung out here and watched the movie Brothers. It was okay.

Easter is tomorrow, and its the first holiday I didn't volunteer to bring a dessert too. I gave up this past Christmas doing that. Why? Because baking and I are NOT friends. I always screw it up. I don't know why I never volunteered to bring a main dish, I can handle that, I don't know why I can't bake. So, I had a few bananas that were just getting brown spots on them, once that happens, I won't eat them. So I figured I might as well make some banana bread, and if it sucks, oh well. lol. And of course, the one time I didn't need to bring it anywhere, it comes out really yummy! So I called my mom and said I'd slice it up and bring it anyway.

So yeah, other than that. Lifes been pretty boring on my end.

ETA! TOTALLY forgot! The day my best friend came over, hubby went to go to the bank, and a man backed into our car! It was on April fools also. When Louie called me I TOTALLY thought he was pulling one on me. Boy, I wish. The damage isn't very bad. Just a dent and stratch. But still. We exhanged information, I made a claim as soon as he got home with his insurance, and now I'm just waiting.