Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

Many of you may not know that I have been married for just about six years, and throughout those six years I have desperately wanted to be a mother. My husband and I have left it into God's hands, and we assumed in time we would conceive. But, we haven't. So we have stepped it up and I have started tracking ovulation, temping, charting, taking different supplements that are supposed to help you conceive etc etc. Well, that's been a few months so far and still nothing. I'm not loosing hope though. I do believe with my whole heart we will be parents. One way or another. Some people just don't understand the absolute hole I have in my heart. A hole that can ONLY be filled by having a beautiful bouncing baby. Some might say "oh your young" or "oh babysit my kid for a weekend and you'll lose that baby fever". They do not understand that just stabs me in the heart a little more. No, I don't want to "babysit" your child. I want to become a MOTHER, something YOU have. Something many many women take for granted. The amount of complaints I hear or read on facebook from friends who are parents astound me. I can't wait for the morning sickness, the huge belly, the sleepless nights...I want it all, and I will appreciate and feel blessed with it all. So yesterday I was watching the Casey Anthony trial (which I have been completely engrossed in) and after the trial ended that show Cops came on. I was doing something and heard this woman, obviously on drugs or drunk getting arrested for prostitution and she was telling the police officer about her kids at home. I had a moment of feeling sorry for myself, and just upset in general. Why is it women like that can get pregnant over and over, and I can't? Do I have infertility? I don't know. But the thought of that scares me to death. And a friend who has gone through infertility who has a BEAUTIFUL daughter she has adopted sent me this little note, and it completely made me cry. It encompasses how I feel and is exactly what I needed to hear. I will not loose faith. I know one day I will be a mother, and be the best mother I possibly can be and relish in ALL of it, the good and the bad. Soak in every smile, every cry, and I will love my child with every single ounce in my body.


Thoughts on Becoming a Mother:

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.



I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.

I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.



Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.



I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.



I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.



Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.



I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.



I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.



I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.



So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.



I listen.



And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.



I have learned to appreciate life.



Yes I will be a wonderful mother.



~Author Unknown

Thank you Jodi for sending this to me. You are an inspiration to me, and a wonderful mother.