Pregnant! Getting you up to speed. :)

Your what?

I know. This blog is late. And pretty much everyone we know already knows. But I wanted to document how it happened. :)

So we stopped trying. Completely. We were 100% focused on loosing weight and doing so well with that! It was so nice to not having the stress of trying to conceive in my mind for a change also.

Four or five months pass and July rolls around. I realize my cycle was due that day and I had no signs whatsoever. Which was not normal. A year or so ago, my cycles were ALWAYS irregular so normally I wouldn't have thought much of it. But lately they have been pretty much on the day. I had some cheapie amazon pregnancy tests leftover and around lunch time that day I figured "what the heck" and took one. I fully expected it to be negative. Especially with it being mid day. I finish eating my lunch and realize I forgot all about the test. I go into the bathroom and see this...

I FREAKED out. Was it real? Was it an evap line? Faulty test? So I RAN out to Rite Aid and picked up some first response tests, and took it as soon as I got home (along with a few more cheapies)...

 

 

Positive. Totally positive. And I wasn't even late yet! I couldn't believe it. I immediately called my Reproductive Endocrinologist's office because I KNEW a regular OB office would not see me right away. They immediately sent me down to get my blood drawn to check my HCG and Progesterone.

I had to wait a couple days for the results which were torture but they came back and my HCG was 18. So then I had to go back and get more bloodwork to make sure it doubled. In order for it to just barely double I needed a level of 72. AND we got back a level of 180! I was SOOO relieved! So far everything was looking good! My progesterone levels were lower than they want to see though, so I needed to go on medication for that, and continue it until 12 weeks. 2 weeks later I had an appointment scheduled for an ultrasound.

 

2 or 3 times before my appointment though I saw some very light very small amount of pink spotting. It scared me to death. Especially after a miscarriage, the last thing you want to see is blood. However, the progesterone is known to cause that sometimes so I was hoping that's all it was.

 

So then at 5 weeks 6 days I went into the RE's office for my first ultrasound. We knew it would be very early and wouldn't probably see much of anything. BUT, we wanted to make sure we could see the sack at least and to confirm it was not an ectopic.

 

Louie wasn't able to come with me to the appointment because of work so my mom came with me. I was scared to death. We started the ultrasound and almost immediately the Dr found the baby. And all looked good. A HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders because we never made it to this point with the last pregnancy because no one would see us this early.

 





Our next appointment was when I was 7 weeks 1 day and luckily my husband was able to come with me to this appointment. I was SO nervous, and it was so comforting to have him with me there. We were hoping we could at least see if not hear the heartbeat. She started the ultrasound and she measured the baby and we could see the heart flickering away. We barely were able to hear it, but we did get to a little. It was so surreal!

 

Here is  video of the ultrasound.

 

 

 

Since we were able to confirm things were progressing nicely so far, we decided it was time to move from the RE office to an OB. My appointment with them was when I was 8weeks2days. It was a normal first prenatal appointment, and she did do a very quick ultrasound.

 







 



Our next appointment was with a specialist to do the NT Scan to check for abnormalities. I was 12 weeks. I was so nervous for this appointment because it had been a month since we saw the baby, AND I was just nervous for the ultrasound results. I also had to go get bloodwork done for this prenatal screening as well, which I had done the day prior. Our result for the NT was 1.14 which is a great number and I was SO thankful. We still don't have the bloodwork results back though because the lab didn't test me for everything they were supposed to, so I probably won't find out those results until my next appointment in October. But it was so exciting to see how much Baby had grown in the last month!

 

My next OB appointment was a week later at 13 weeks. She did a quick ultrasound (unfortunately no picture) and it was SO exciting because this was my first time seeing baby MOVE, totally swimming and dancing around. I was so bummed my husband wasn't able to see it. But it was amazing.

As for me, I have been SO sick. Almost from day 1. Morning sickness has kicked my butt. Finally at 12.5 weeks I had to bite the bullet and get a script for zofran to try to help. Other than throwing up, the worst has been food aversion. To everything. Since mid july I have hardly been able to eat. That has honestly been the hardest. Now with the medication its a little easier to eat thank goodness, and I'm hoping that in a couple weeks that should fade away on its own.

I can't believe that I have made it into the second trimester. (tomorrow I will be 14 weeks) It still doesn't seem real. When you wait for years for something you have wanted and prayed for so much I don't think it will fully seem real until we hold the baby in our arms. Because we were so anxious the entire first trimester, to celebrate entering the 2nd, last weekend we went to Babies R Us and did our registry. I had no idea we would be in there for HOURS! We have pretty much gotten it all finished, and once we find out the gender we might make some changes, but I don't mind gender neutral items, because I know we will get lots of gender specific clothes/items once the baby is here. We are so blessed as well to be probably getting 3 baby showers as well. One family/friends, One at Louie's work, and then my awesome Twilight Mom friends have said a little about a Twilight Baby shower, which is SO sweet of them. I just can't wait to hit that milestone in the third trimester!

Our next appointment is October 8, I will be 16 weeks. It would be fantastic if we could find out the gender but we might not have an ultrasound at the appointment. They said they usually do the gender ultrasounds at 18-20 weeks. I was told our local mall has a ultrasound place that will check the gender for you for $40. SO if I simply cannot wait until November we might do that :). We will be having a gender reveal party to find out the gender with some of our family all at the same time. I cannot WAIT!

So, that gets you all up to speed. A girl who tried for almost 6 years for a baby, who suffered a miscarriage, gets a surprise pregnancy. Who would have thought? We are SO thankful, and I pray every day thanking God for this miracle. I also forgot to mention I have a strong feeling baby is a girl. Can't wait to find out if I'm right!

Recipe! Burrito Bowls

Vegetarian Burrito Bowls

Ingredients:

1 can refried beans

1/2 can drained diced tomatoes

1 bell pepper diced

1/2 onion diced

6 snack size flour tortillas (or corn)

Pickled Jalapenos

1 cup cheese

1-2 cups cooked Spanish rice

Foil Pot Pan Pans

Chili Powder

Salt

Pepper

Optional:

Lime Juice

Avocado

Sour Cream

(ps. you can definitely add meat to this if you'd like)

Cook your rice. You can use the spanish or mexican rice packets from the grocery store as well.

Fill your foil bowls with the tortillas. I used the flour snack size tortillas because I despise corn. Seriously, they are dry and gross. Just sayin' ;)

Cook your bell pepper and onion with a little olive oil. Sprinkle with whatever seasonings you want, I used just garlic powder, chili powder, salt and pepper. While you are doing this, pull out however many jalapenos you want, and chop those up a little.

In a bowl, literally mix everything together. Keep a small amount of cheese remaining to top the bowls with.

Fill the bowls with about 3/4 cup of filling. Top with cheese.

Bake at 350 degrees for about 20-25 minutes.

Top with whatever toppings you'd like, we squeezed a lime over each one and added a little sour cream and avocado.

Seriously, delicious!!

Update

So I have been neglecting this blog for quite some time now.

Trying to get pregnant has been put on hold. We stopped "trying" about 5 months ago or so. Now we are just going back to how it was before we started trying. Is there a chance I could get pregnant still? Sure, but it would be a MIRACLE if that happened!

Right now we are focusing more on loosing weight. I will post a couple pictures showing how far we have come. We are just about half way to where we want to be. Well for me a little more than half way, and for my husband a little less than half way.

In March I sprained my ankle SO SO SO bad. And I was laid up for quite a few weeks. Its still not 100% but I would say its maybe 75-85%. lol. I wonder if it will ever go back to normal. We have been focusing on eating healthier and working out. We have enjoyed walking/jogging our track in the backyard (4.5 times around is a mile, so we do anywhere from 2-3 miles a day) and I have been enjoying including some workout DVDs as well. We were doing great, thennnn in June we went on a little trip, I got out of my routine and have struggled getting back into it. But I will. This journey is a bunch of peaks and valleys. It wont be a straight shot. And thats fine. It took me a long time to gain the weight, its not going to go away in just a couple months. I actually don't know how much weight I have lost because we don't have a scale. But thats ok, its less pressure I think. Eventually we will buy one, but for now I just want to focus on making this a LIFESTYLE change, regardless of what the scale says.

We are still vegetarian (for all those doubted we could stick to it lol) and loving it more and more. I've never FELT better. I've found lots of new recipes, and am enjoying cooking even more. I will have to start doing recipe blogs again. Hopefully. lol.

In about a month it will have been a year since we moved to the ranch. I enjoy it, but its tiresome, and a lot of work. Especially now that its getting bloody hot again, by the time I do my chores outside and I come in, I'm SO done lol. My horse has been having lameness issues though so I haven't been able to ride her as much. Now she can only walk, which is ok, I just enjoying getting on her and walking around. My mom had back surgery a few months ago and cannot ride for at least a year. So Im in charge of riding/working her horse now. He is a pain in my side for sure. But he's getting better and listening to me more. He likes to push my buttons because Im NOT my mom. I started trail riding around town again. My horse is horrible on trail but my moms is doing pretty good! I havent gone out on the trail since I was probably 11-12. So its kind of nice to do it again!

My dad has been making horse shoe signs/animals the past few months and we originally had him list his stuff on my Etsy store.( www.etsy.com/shop/caseyleecrafts ). BUT, he stuff did SO well, we decided to make him his own store on Etsy ( www.etsy.com/shop/willcapps ) and its been going great! He has me in charge of taking pictures/listing/running the store because he said he just wants to make the stuff lol. :) Its been fun, and he gets a kick out of doing it. We have even gone to a few craft shows as well!

Vegetarian Chili Verde

If you like Mexican food...you HAVE TO MAKE THIS.

Not kidding.

Its so yummy!!

Ingredients

• 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 cup chopped onion
• One russet potato, peeled and diced
• One yam (red-skinned sweet potato), peeled diced
• Lots of large cloves garlic peeled and chopped (you know me and garlic, but you can put as much or as little as you'd like)
• 4 large tomatillos, husked, rinsed, and chopped
• 1 large poblano chiles (8 to 9 ounces), stemmed, seeded;  cut into 4 large strips
• 2 anaheim chiles, 1 diced, 1 cut into large strips
• 1-2 tablespoons dried Mexican oregano
• 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
• .5-1 teaspoon cumin
•  salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste (you'll probably need more salt at the end so don't go crazy in the beginning with salt)
• One 28-ounce can hominy with juices
• 1 cup vegetable broth
• One 7-ounce can diced mild green chiles

Directions

Heat the oil in a heavy, large pot over medium heat. Add the onions, potatoes, yams, garlic, tomatillos and poblanos. Cover and sweat until the onions are tender, stirring often, you dont want it to brown, but mine gets pretty juicy so you probably wont have to worry about that much, about 8 minutes. Mix in the oregano, flour, cumin,  and pepper. Add the hominy with the juices and the broth and bring the chili to a simmer.

Place the green chiles in a processor. Using tongs, transfer strips of the poblano chile from the pot to the processor; blend just until smooth. Scrape the chile sauce into the pot.

Cover and simmer the chili 20 minutes. Uncover and simmer until the potatoes and yams are tender and the chili is reduced to your desired consistency, stirring often. Make sure to taste it, because if its like mine, you'll definitely need a little more salt!

Once its where you'd like it to be, serve in bowls! No toppings necessary, but sour cream, cilantro, avocado, maybe a little lime would be great.

SUPER healthy and YUMMY!

Enjoy!

Struggling

I decided it was time for a little Trying To Conceive update. And boy do I have one...and not a good one at that.

Let me just say, at the moment, I am very bitter, angry, sad etc. So I'm sorry if someone takes offense to anything I say because I'm being completely honest and raw right now. But please, try to put yourself in my shoes before you judge.

I am turning 25 this year. Am I worried my womanly clock is ticking away? No. But don't tell me "Oh your young, relax". If I have a dollar for every.damn.time I've heard that, I would be RICH. Please try to remember, I have been married since I was 19 years old. We have never prevented, and I've always wanted to get pregnant. I've somewhat discussed this before. For years, I "relaxed". Its only been 2 years I have been "not relaxed" as the average person without infertility would say. I don't think some understand how taxing infertility can be on someone.

Someone with infertility doesn't get the luxury to relax. It just doesn't work that way. Please understand that. Its come to the conclusion, naturally will not work for us. May a miracle happen one day? Possibly. But its highly unlikely at this point. Would I love to be proven wrong and my body decide to work sooner than later? Hell yes. But again, highly unlikely.

If you do not have infertility, there is absolutely no way you can understand where I am coming from. Plain and simple. Or if you've never tried to have a child. You just don't understand. And that's fine! I get that, but at the same time, you have no place to try to tell me how I should get pregnant. Or how you knew this person who blah blah blah, or that you read something online that said blah blah blah. Trust me. I have tried EVERYTHING in the book (with the exception of perscription fertility drugs, IUI, etc etc). If you've had children easily. Realize how extremely LUCKY you are.

I often think some people think when I talk about my struggles, that I'm saying I would love my child more simply because it was harder for me to bring them into this world versus someone who could get pregnant on the first try (or fairly quickly), is this true? Absolutely not. But will I have more of an appreciation sometimes? Maybe. Its hard to find the right words when I'm trying to explain that. Maybe even appreciation isn't even the word I'm looking for. Either way, more than likely, the "average" person would probably get offended and defensive no matter how I try to explain it. Why? Because they have NO CLUE how infertility feels. Its that simple. Same goes for me, I have no idea how it feels to not have infertility I suppose.

This past cycle really messed with my head. I felt timing wise, we were perfect. We did all we could do, and it was just up to his soldiers and my egg. About a week after ovulation I started experiencing your average pregnancy symptoms. Ones I've never had before. I started taking pregnancy tests once my period was late, for two days they were negative. Until yesterday that is. Three tests had a faint (and I mean FAINT) line. Clear as day. Then, a few hours later. I threw up. How much more could my body scream "your pregnant!" at me. All I could do was Thank God. We got pregnant. On our own. RIGHT before we started treatment...

Then Aunt Flow decided to show up and laugh in my damn face. "Just Kidding!" I just want to sob. I'm so over this. This was my absolute worst cycle emotionally. Well, second worst next to the miscarriage. Someone asked me if maybe this is another chemical pregnancy. I don't know. Maybe it is. But one thing is for sure, and that is that I'm not pregnant. Again.

So at this point, I'm ready to throw in the towel. I give up. I'm pretty sure we won't be going through with the reproductive endocrinologist at this point either, not right now at least. Thinking of forking over hundreds and thousands of dollars right now, with no guarantee is dangerous for my sanity. Honestly. I already feel completely broken. Obviously, my mind could change in a week, a month, whatever. But I need some time. I need to be happy and in a good place. Maybe adoption is in our future. I completely embrace that. Would I love to have a child of our own? Yes. But being a mother is what is important to me. And if that means through adoption, then so be it. Regardless I will love my child till the ends of the earth, whether I give birth to them or not.

So please, just don't tell me what you think I should do. Or any other unsolicited advice. I appreciate your support, and that you care. But that's all I need. I just need you to be there for us. Support our decisions. Whether you think they are the right ones or not.

I just need a break...

Boysenberry Bars

Boysenberry Bars~

These are SO easy and delicious! I've been making these for awhile now, and have used other jams but this so far is our favorite way to make them. :)

• 1 3/4 sticks salted butter, melted
• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 cup quick cooking oats
• 1 cup packed brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• 12 oz (give or take) boysenberry jam (or your favorite kind!)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter a 9-by-13-inch rectangular pan.

Mix together the butter, flour, oats, brown sugar, baking powder, cinnamon and salt. Press half the oat mixture into the prepared pan. Spread with the strawberry preserves. Sprinkle the other half of the oat mixture over the top and pat lightly. Bake until light brown, 30 to 40 minutes. Let cool completely, and then cut into squares. Keep an eye that they don't bake too quickly. Start checking at around 30 minutes. You definitely don't want these to burn! :)

Stuffed Bell Peppers

Stuffed Bell Peppers

4-6 Servings

This is one of my old recipes that I have replaced beef with veggie protein "meat". We honestly cannot tell the difference but you can definitely use ground beef or ground turkey for this recipe.

This recipe makes quite a bit of filling. We usually have left over filling we use for burritos for lunches because we only make 4 peppers, but if you probably used 6 it would fill all of them.

Ingredients:

4-6 Bell Peppers
1 package veggie protein meat (or 1 lb beef)
1/2 can corn
1/2 cup tomato sauce
1 small onion chopped
3 cloves garlic chopped
1.5 cups cheese (cheddar or jack works well....even better both!)
1.5-2 cups cooked brown rice (you could also use white rice if you prefer)
Taco Seasoning
Salt & Pepper
Cayenne Pepper
Chili Powder
Cumin
Oregano
(notice I didn't put measurements on the spice because I just sprinkle them in until it has the flavor I'm looking for)

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Cut tops off of the bell peppers and remove the seeds and membranes.

Bring a large pot of water to a boil, drop your peppers in and boil for a couple minutes. Let aside to cool.

In a large pan, add your veggie protein (this is what I use, its our favorite!)

...or your meat. Along with the onions, and if you wanted to chop up the tops of the bell peppers after remove the stem add those in as well.

Let cook for a few minutes, and add your garlic, corn, tomato sauce and spices.

Cook for an additional 5-7 minutes. Add rice and cheese. Stir to combine. Keep a little cheese leftover to top your peppers with.

**the rice I use is trader joes frozen brown rice. They sell it in a box and I believe it comes with three seperate servings. It is the perfect amount for this recipe!

Once filling is combined, stuff your peppers.

Bake for 25 minutes.

Remove and top with remaining cheese. Let bake for another 5 minutes for cheese to melt.


Here is what it looks like cut in half!

Enjoy!

Vegetarian Enchiladas

So this is one of those recipes that you can mix up and make your own way. But I thought I'd share with you, MY way of making them.

I used to make chicken enchiladas, but since becoming vegetarian, I threw these together one night and we loved them MORE! But like I said, you could totally add chicken, or any other kind of meat you'd like.

Again, like I've said in other countless blog posts with my recipes, I hardly measure anything! But this is a very close estimate to what I did, you may want to add more or less!

Sauce:
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 tsp cumin
1/4 cup flour
large spoonful of tomato paste, probably a tablespoon and a half give or take
14.5 oz vegetable broth
1/2 cup water
2 teaspoons taco seasoning
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
Sprinkle of cayenne pepper
Salt and Pepper to taste
2 or so tablespoons of sour cream

Enchiladas:
1.5 cups of pepper jack cheese
1.5 cups cheddar cheese
half a can of black beans
1/2 onion chopped
1/2 bell pepper chopped
half can of corn
6 green onions thinly sliced
3 cloves of garlic minced
7-8 flour tortillas (I can't stand corn tortillas but you can use those if you like them better!)

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

In a saucepan heat the olive oil and cumin, flour and tomato paste. Cook a few minutes, whisking.

Whisk in broth, spices and water. Bring to a boil and simmer until thickened. Once it has thickened whisk in your sour cream. ***Let me just add, when I first made this sauce, it tasted "ok" but I didn't think we would like it very much. I believe its one of those sauces that doesn't taste that great by itself, but once its poured over the enchiladas, and baked, it is SO SO good!

Meanwhile, saute your bell pepper, onion and garlic in olive oil until onions are translucent.

Mix in a bowl all the filling ingredients, make note to only use 1 cup of each of the cheddar and jack cheese so your left with 1/2 cup of each cheese to top the enchiladas with.

Lightly spray your 9x13 baking dish with pam.

Heat tortillas in the microwave so they don't split when you fill and roll them.

Fill tortillas and place in your baking dish. Pour sauce over the enchiladas and top with the remaining cheese.

Bake for 15-20 minutes.

Remove and let cool for a few minutes.

I topped mine with some additional green onions, and served the enchiladas with some sliced cabbage and diced tomatoes from my garden!

Enjoy!

Ps. These are even better the next day!! :)

Teriyaki Noodles with Broccoli

Teriyaki Noodles with Broccoli-

So since becoming vegetarian, I have been trying new recipes, or changing up old ones. This is one of those I've changed up. Basically only omitting the chicken, and its still amazing! Its super simple and really yummy, so I thought I would share it with you all.

Ingredients:
1/2 box of rice noodles, linguine style
Teriyaki Sauce
Soy Sauce
Couple tablespoons of brown sugar
Peanut Oil
Vegetable Oil
Garlic
Fresh Broccoli (but frozen would work too!)

Ok, so you know me. I don't measure anything. I throw things together and taste as I go. :) So I will try to estimate for you, but I suggest you do the same. Have fun with your cooking, and experiment! For this I think sliced carrots would be fantastic, but I didn't have any at the time.

So basically get out your pot and cook the noodles as directed on the box.

Chop up the broccoli, and cook to your liking. The way I did it, was I chopped it up, and put it in a glass bowl with a little water at the bottom. Place plastic wrap on the top and let it steam to your desired texture. I like my broccoli pretty soft, so a few minutes.

In the wok, heat up about a teaspoon or so of each peanut and vegetable oil. Throw in your garlic. Then pour in your teriyaki sauce (maybe around a 1/2 cup), a few dashes of soy sauce and your brown sugar. Let it bubble up a bit and put in your broccoli. By this point your noodles should be done, then throw them in the wok as well, coat and cook for a few minutes.

And your done!

See? Super easy :) I served mine with some veggie eggrolls. You could also add chicken if you like, or tofu.

Sorry for the crappy iphone pictures, but I think you get the point. :)

AMH Lab Results

The other day I got a phone call from my RE. They got the results back on the AMH Lab they did, which was checking my ovarian reserve. Typically they like to see a 3, but my number was a 3.3. Basically on the fence of good. Anything higher than a 3 is a possible (likely) indicator of PCOS which is her concern, and frankly mine too. So she said it looks pretty good, but since its above a 3, and they already have concerns of PCOS that with additional testing it might make sense of why it was over three if I do in fact have PCOS.

We have to postpone clomid until March since my trip to Arizona with my mom is RIGHT in my fertile window. Of course! But that's okay. Gives us a little more time to prepare financially and emotionally for it. It just is hard to get the ball rolling and then stop dead in our tracks.

RE Appointment & Experiencing Birth..in person!

So the 18th of January was my Reproductive Endocrinologist appointment. Since its been a crazy couple of days, I will try to recount the appointment as best as possible.

First thing that morning I RUSHED (and yes, sped a little bit,shh!) to the office to drop off the specimen for the semen analysis. Luckily I got there within 25 minutes, and they told me within an hour was perfect, so I felt good about that. I was so anxious but as soon as I dropped it off, I instantly felt more at ease knowing that part was over with.

After the appointment I went straight to one of my best friends house, Lauren, who had a prenatal appointment later that morning. She was 38 weeks pregnant with her little boy. I have been going to pretty much every appointment with her and we were in the home stretch which was pretty exciting. After her appointment we had lunch and just killed some time till my appointment, which I was grateful for because I knew I would be super anxious otherwise!

Time came for my appointment, and the first doctor I saw was the medical director of the facility. We went over my history, and after that she explained to me the semen analysis results...they were fantastic!! I was so relieved. One piece of the puzzle was solved. We discussed some treatment plans, and what might happen if they didn't work. From there, I spoke to another doctor. She was much more laid back and very funny. She explained to me that she wouldn't be surprised if I had Polycystic  Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). The first doctor didn't mention that, so I'm hoping that isn't the case. Although, its been my suspicion for years, its just no doctor would ever take me seriously. I understand it won't be the end of the world if I DO have PCOS, but it will make conceiving THAT much more difficult.

Basically in summary they would like me to start taking Clomid. She said she would like to try that for 3-4 cycles to see if it works. No more than that because over time Clomid tends to thin out your uterine wall which she doesn't want to happen. I asked if I needed to have a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) and she said not right now. If Louie happened to have had low sperm count or something was bad on his side, then she would recommend it, but since that isn't the case, and I was able to conceive in June naturally even though it ended in a loss she doesn't think I need it. BUT, if the fertility medications do not help and we have to move onto IUI or IVF then yes, a HSG will be done prior to those. I will be coming in on cycle day 3 or 4 to have some ultrasounds done in order to check out how everything looks. Even if I do happen to have PCOS, I will still be taking Clomid but they will also prescribe Metformin as well. Which I have been on in the past.

After speaking with her regarding treatment plans, I went to see a nurse who did blood work on me, which was to see my ovarian reserve. I should be getting those results in a few days.

Only problem that I discovered once I got home that night was next month, when all this is supposed to happen, I will be on a mini trip with my mom to Arizona...right when I'm in my fertile window. SO all of this might have to be postponed until March. Which is frustrating, but not the end of the world.

I felt really good about the appointment though. I was relieved that it began with good news. I am scared though. I just have this feeling that Clomid wont work. I have this feeling inside that its just not going to happen for us. Financially IVF is so out of reach right now, especially since our insurance basically covers NOTHING. But I'm trying not to get to ahead of myself. I will be praying and hoping that clomid works. I pray that will be the thing we will have needed all along. But it almost sounds too good to be true. That Clomid is too easy. Again, I'm trying NOT to have these thoughts, but when you have been trying for so many years, its hard not to feel that way.

The next evening, I got a phone call Lauren was getting really bad contractions, but they were so irregular we didn't think it could possibly be active labor yet. Turns out, they were! By the time she got to the hospital she was 6 cm! I rushed out of the house (around midnight, no sleep lol!) and drove the 45 minute drive, the whole time afraid I was going to miss the whole thing. Luckily, I didn't, and she hadn't progressed much since the phone call. She was in so much pain, and shortly after I arrived she got the epidural. I was able to watch it being done...and I totally cried. It looked so horrible, but she was so strong, and said it wasn't that bad. Scared me to death though. Not to long later they broke her water for her, and afterwards thanks to the epidural she was able to get some sleep. Unfortunately the rocking chair I was in, was not built for sleeping, so I couldn't get any sleep! They checked her a few hours later and she was 10 cm! She still felt nothing! The doctor came in, and within a few pushes baby Izzy made his appearance. I was so grateful and blessed to be with her and her boyfriend, during such a life changing moment for them. I was glad I was able to witness birth in person, instead of through a 30 minute TV show on TLC. lol! But at the same time...I won't lie, it scared me to death. It scared me so much, for when its me. I don't know how to explain it. Not that its changed my desire to become a mother by ANY means, but boy, it was definitely scary. I'm sure that by the time its me, the excitement to meet my child will overcome the fear of the changes my body is making and the pain associated with those changes.

Overall though, I was so happy to experience it with them, especially after anticipating his arrival for so long! :)

First family photo with baby Izzy

One piece of the puzzle

So I am going to use this blog not only to get out my feelings, but to use this platform in order to document our journey to becoming parents. It may get very raw, and in detail as we go through certain parts of this journey, but that's just how it goes right? :)

It's crazy to think that BY tomorrow one piece of this fertility mystery will be solved. Louie is having a semen analysis first thing in the morning and by my appointment that afternoon we will have the results. Obviously I'm hoping for good results. But either way, I'm just ready for ANSWERS.

I went this morning to get the documents and whatnot, and the office is very nice, and the girl I spoke with was very friendly. I'm glad I was able to go before my appointment and get acquainted with where it is at, because I feel more at ease knowing where I'll be going and having already somewhat spoken to someone there. It seems to be a great place, and I'm excited to begin this with them.

At the same time, it seems surreal we are even having to go down this route. Its so hard to hear pregnancy announcement after pregnancy announcement and wonder why after trying so so hard and wanting this so badly it hasn't happened to us. BUT, that's a HUGE reason why I am so ready for this appointment! Its finally going to answer my questions of WHY NOT US. And no matter the reason, at least we'll finally know and can make a plan.

I know in my gut that this will be a good thing for us. I pray that finally this year, after so many years, I will finally be able to bring home our little miracle and it will be REAL, and not a far away dream.

So get ready, because Baby Rojas is getting ready to make their appearance, I just know it! And I simply cannot wait.

The Next Step

This January celebrates 10 years of me and Louies relationship, this October celebrates our 6th year of marriage, my 25th birthday, and Louie's 29th birthday...

For the past 5 1/2 years we never thought by this point in our lives we wouldn't have a child.

For the past 5 1/2 years, we acted as any other normal married couple, expecting and hoping it would just happen, when the time was right, as God planned.

I never thought that I would experience a miscarriage.

I never thought that we would be at a point in our lives where we might just have to accept it is just not going to happen naturally for us.

2012 is going to be the year we get answers. Its going to be the year we hopefully get our miracle.

Next week, we will be seeing a fertility specialist. Something I never thought we would have to do. But as month after month goes by, and year after year, I've accepted that this is something I need to do, and its not the big bad scary thing I thought it would be. I am ready for answers, good or bad, to move on with our life, and figure out a plan of action. I'm becoming excited for it. Simply because it is one step closer to our child, our dream.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers and we undergo the testing in order to hopefully provide us with answers we desperately need.