Guess who is in their third trimester! =D Ah! I haven't updated this blog since September, and lots has happened!
I am going to try to make it a New Years Resolution to post more in this blog. I miss doing my recipe posts, and obviously now with the baby I will have lots to post about, we'll see if I can stick to it.
Currently, I am 29 weeks pregnant. I can't believe it! It still seems like such a wonderful dream. After six years, it just doesn't feel like it will ever happen, and when it does, you can't believe it!
We found out the gender, and we are having a little boy! We were shocked! Louie and I were both convinced it was a little girl from pretty much day one. Of course we are very excited. Honestly I'm most excited for Louie in a way. He never had a Dad growing up and missed out on a lot of those father son memories, so the fact he gets to do ALL of those things he never had, with his own son, is going to be amazing I think.
We had a small gender reveal party at my moms, which was a lot of fun. We did a type of scavenger hunt with clues. Louie and I had fun making all the little clues for everyone. The morning of the party, on accident I let it slip we were having a boy. I was SO mad at myself! But it ended up being fun because we both tried to make the cake together we would cut into at the end of the night (blue cake of course) and it was a DISASTER. It was just a simple box cake! I dont know how we messed it up, but it looked like a 2 year old tried to bake and frost it. It ended up being pretty hilarious though.
Here is a video of the party:
The holidays definitely helped with making this pregnancy fly by. I cant believe within about 9ish weeks, our baby will be here. I love the holidays so on one hand it was a little sad they passed by so fast, I felt like I couldn't really enjoy them (I guess I am a bit distracted though lol!) and on the other hand Im grateful because Im so ready to meet our little boy!
The nursery hasnt even been started on lol! We were waiting until after the holidays, and now that they are over, and the decorations are put away we can finally begin. He will be having a vintage themed nursery (with a few vintage disney things thrown in) and I can't wait to see it brought to life. I hope it turns out as adorable as it is in my head!
Our shower is in a little over 2 weeks. I CANT BELIEVE IT. I have dreamed for six years about having a baby shower and Im SO excited. Its also got a slight vintage theme to it. I can't wait to celebrate with everyone.
Finally my sickness has passed. Only took about 6 months though. I was so sure I was just going to be one of those people who are sick the entire way through. I finally had stopped loosing weight and was maintaining so that was good, but I still had food aversions to EVERYTHING pretty much, and nothing helped. Nothing. So I am HAPPY I can finally cook again, and hold down my meals.
Louie had gallbladder removal surgery the day before Thanksgiving. Took multiple doctors, and months to figure out what it was. I have never seen someone in so much pain in my life. It was horrible. Thankfully though, we found an amazing surgeon and Louie is pain free now.
Well, in short, thats catching you up to speed I think. Next up is the nursery, and baby shower! Can't wait!
I know. This blog is late. And pretty much everyone we know already knows. But I wanted to document how it happened. :)
So we stopped trying. Completely. We were 100% focused on loosing weight and doing so well with that! It was so nice to not having the stress of trying to conceive in my mind for a change also.
Four or five months pass and July rolls around. I realize my cycle was due that day and I had no signs whatsoever. Which was not normal. A year or so ago, my cycles were ALWAYS irregular so normally I wouldn't have thought much of it. But lately they have been pretty much on the day. I had some cheapie amazon pregnancy tests leftover and around lunch time that day I figured "what the heck" and took one. I fully expected it to be negative. Especially with it being mid day. I finish eating my lunch and realize I forgot all about the test. I go into the bathroom and see this...
I FREAKED out. Was it real? Was it an evap line? Faulty test? So I RAN out to Rite Aid and picked up some first response tests, and took it as soon as I got home (along with a few more cheapies)...
Positive. Totally positive. And I wasn't even late yet! I couldn't believe it. I immediately called my Reproductive Endocrinologist's office because I KNEW a regular OB office would not see me right away. They immediately sent me down to get my blood drawn to check my HCG and Progesterone.
I had to wait a couple days for the results which were torture but they came back and my HCG was 18. So then I had to go back and get more bloodwork to make sure it doubled. In order for it to just barely double I needed a level of 72. AND we got back a level of 180! I was SOOO relieved! So far everything was looking good! My progesterone levels were lower than they want to see though, so I needed to go on medication for that, and continue it until 12 weeks. 2 weeks later I had an appointment scheduled for an ultrasound.
2 or 3 times before my appointment though I saw some very light very small amount of pink spotting. It scared me to death. Especially after a miscarriage, the last thing you want to see is blood. However, the progesterone is known to cause that sometimes so I was hoping that's all it was.
So then at 5 weeks 6 days I went into the RE's office for my first ultrasound. We knew it would be very early and wouldn't probably see much of anything. BUT, we wanted to make sure we could see the sack at least and to confirm it was not an ectopic.
Louie wasn't able to come with me to the appointment because of work so my mom came with me. I was scared to death. We started the ultrasound and almost immediately the Dr found the baby. And all looked good. A HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders because we never made it to this point with the last pregnancy because no one would see us this early.
Our next appointment was when I was 7 weeks 1 day and luckily my husband was able to come with me to this appointment. I was SO nervous, and it was so comforting to have him with me there. We were hoping we could at least see if not hear the heartbeat. She started the ultrasound and she measured the baby and we could see the heart flickering away. We barely were able to hear it, but we did get to a little. It was so surreal!
Here is video of the ultrasound.
Since we were able to confirm things were progressing nicely so far, we decided it was time to move from the RE office to an OB. My appointment with them was when I was 8weeks2days. It was a normal first prenatal appointment, and she did do a very quick ultrasound.
Our next appointment was with a specialist to do the NT Scan to check for abnormalities. I was 12 weeks. I was so nervous for this appointment because it had been a month since we saw the baby, AND I was just nervous for the ultrasound results. I also had to go get bloodwork done for this prenatal screening as well, which I had done the day prior. Our result for the NT was 1.14 which is a great number and I was SO thankful. We still don't have the bloodwork results back though because the lab didn't test me for everything they were supposed to, so I probably won't find out those results until my next appointment in October. But it was so exciting to see how much Baby had grown in the last month!
My next OB appointment was a week later at 13 weeks. She did a quick ultrasound (unfortunately no picture) and it was SO exciting because this was my first time seeing baby MOVE, totally swimming and dancing around. I was so bummed my husband wasn't able to see it. But it was amazing.
As for me, I have been SO sick. Almost from day 1. Morning sickness has kicked my butt. Finally at 12.5 weeks I had to bite the bullet and get a script for zofran to try to help. Other than throwing up, the worst has been food aversion. To everything. Since mid july I have hardly been able to eat. That has honestly been the hardest. Now with the medication its a little easier to eat thank goodness, and I'm hoping that in a couple weeks that should fade away on its own.
I can't believe that I have made it into the second trimester. (tomorrow I will be 14 weeks) It still doesn't seem real. When you wait for years for something you have wanted and prayed for so much I don't think it will fully seem real until we hold the baby in our arms. Because we were so anxious the entire first trimester, to celebrate entering the 2nd, last weekend we went to Babies R Us and did our registry. I had no idea we would be in there for HOURS! We have pretty much gotten it all finished, and once we find out the gender we might make some changes, but I don't mind gender neutral items, because I know we will get lots of gender specific clothes/items once the baby is here. We are so blessed as well to be probably getting 3 baby showers as well. One family/friends, One at Louie's work, and then my awesome Twilight Mom friends have said a little about a Twilight Baby shower, which is SO sweet of them. I just can't wait to hit that milestone in the third trimester!
Our next appointment is October 8, I will be 16 weeks. It would be fantastic if we could find out the gender but we might not have an ultrasound at the appointment. They said they usually do the gender ultrasounds at 18-20 weeks. I was told our local mall has a ultrasound place that will check the gender for you for $40. SO if I simply cannot wait until November we might do that :). We will be having a gender reveal party to find out the gender with some of our family all at the same time. I cannot WAIT!
So, that gets you all up to speed. A girl who tried for almost 6 years for a baby, who suffered a miscarriage, gets a surprise pregnancy. Who would have thought? We are SO thankful, and I pray every day thanking God for this miracle. I also forgot to mention I have a strong feeling baby is a girl. Can't wait to find out if I'm right!
So I have been neglecting this blog for quite some time now.
Trying to get pregnant has been put on hold. We stopped "trying" about 5 months ago or so. Now we are just going back to how it was before we started trying. Is there a chance I could get pregnant still? Sure, but it would be a MIRACLE if that happened!
Right now we are focusing more on loosing weight. I will post a couple pictures showing how far we have come. We are just about half way to where we want to be. Well for me a little more than half way, and for my husband a little less than half way.
In March I sprained my ankle SO SO SO bad. And I was laid up for quite a few weeks. Its still not 100% but I would say its maybe 75-85%. lol. I wonder if it will ever go back to normal. We have been focusing on eating healthier and working out. We have enjoyed walking/jogging our track in the backyard (4.5 times around is a mile, so we do anywhere from 2-3 miles a day) and I have been enjoying including some workout DVDs as well. We were doing great, thennnn in June we went on a little trip, I got out of my routine and have struggled getting back into it. But I will. This journey is a bunch of peaks and valleys. It wont be a straight shot. And thats fine. It took me a long time to gain the weight, its not going to go away in just a couple months. I actually don't know how much weight I have lost because we don't have a scale. But thats ok, its less pressure I think. Eventually we will buy one, but for now I just want to focus on making this a LIFESTYLE change, regardless of what the scale says.
We are still vegetarian (for all those doubted we could stick to it lol) and loving it more and more. I've never FELT better. I've found lots of new recipes, and am enjoying cooking even more. I will have to start doing recipe blogs again. Hopefully. lol.
In about a month it will have been a year since we moved to the ranch. I enjoy it, but its tiresome, and a lot of work. Especially now that its getting bloody hot again, by the time I do my chores outside and I come in, I'm SO done lol. My horse has been having lameness issues though so I haven't been able to ride her as much. Now she can only walk, which is ok, I just enjoying getting on her and walking around. My mom had back surgery a few months ago and cannot ride for at least a year. So Im in charge of riding/working her horse now. He is a pain in my side for sure. But he's getting better and listening to me more. He likes to push my buttons because Im NOT my mom. I started trail riding around town again. My horse is horrible on trail but my moms is doing pretty good! I havent gone out on the trail since I was probably 11-12. So its kind of nice to do it again!
My dad has been making horse shoe signs/animals the past few months and we originally had him list his stuff on my Etsy store.( www.etsy.com/shop/caseyleecrafts ). BUT, he stuff did SO well, we decided to make him his own store on Etsy ( www.etsy.com/shop/willcapps ) and its been going great! He has me in charge of taking pictures/listing/running the store because he said he just wants to make the stuff lol. :) Its been fun, and he gets a kick out of doing it. We have even gone to a few craft shows as well!
I decided it was time for a little Trying To Conceive update. And boy do I have one...and not a good one at that.
Let me just say, at the moment, I am very bitter, angry, sad etc. So I'm sorry if someone takes offense to anything I say because I'm being completely honest and raw right now. But please, try to put yourself in my shoes before you judge.
I am turning 25 this year. Am I worried my womanly clock is ticking away? No. But don't tell me "Oh your young, relax". If I have a dollar for every.damn.time I've heard that, I would be RICH. Please try to remember, I have been married since I was 19 years old. We have never prevented, and I've always wanted to get pregnant. I've somewhat discussed this before. For years, I "relaxed". Its only been 2 years I have been "not relaxed" as the average person without infertility would say. I don't think some understand how taxing infertility can be on someone.
Someone with infertility doesn't get the luxury to relax. It just doesn't work that way. Please understand that. Its come to the conclusion, naturally will not work for us. May a miracle happen one day? Possibly. But its highly unlikely at this point. Would I love to be proven wrong and my body decide to work sooner than later? Hell yes. But again, highly unlikely.
If you do not have infertility, there is absolutely no way you can understand where I am coming from. Plain and simple. Or if you've never tried to have a child. You just don't understand. And that's fine! I get that, but at the same time, you have no place to try to tell me how I should get pregnant. Or how you knew this person who blah blah blah, or that you read something online that said blah blah blah. Trust me. I have tried EVERYTHING in the book (with the exception of perscription fertility drugs, IUI, etc etc). If you've had children easily. Realize how extremely LUCKY you are.
I often think some people think when I talk about my struggles, that I'm saying I would love my child more simply because it was harder for me to bring them into this world versus someone who could get pregnant on the first try (or fairly quickly), is this true? Absolutely not. But will I have more of an appreciation sometimes? Maybe. Its hard to find the right words when I'm trying to explain that. Maybe even appreciation isn't even the word I'm looking for. Either way, more than likely, the "average" person would probably get offended and defensive no matter how I try to explain it. Why? Because they have NO CLUE how infertility feels. Its that simple. Same goes for me, I have no idea how it feels to not have infertility I suppose.
This past cycle really messed with my head. I felt timing wise, we were perfect. We did all we could do, and it was just up to his soldiers and my egg. About a week after ovulation I started experiencing your average pregnancy symptoms. Ones I've never had before. I started taking pregnancy tests once my period was late, for two days they were negative. Until yesterday that is. Three tests had a faint (and I mean FAINT) line. Clear as day. Then, a few hours later. I threw up. How much more could my body scream "your pregnant!" at me. All I could do was Thank God. We got pregnant. On our own. RIGHT before we started treatment...
Then Aunt Flow decided to show up and laugh in my damn face. "Just Kidding!" I just want to sob. I'm so over this. This was my absolute worst cycle emotionally. Well, second worst next to the miscarriage. Someone asked me if maybe this is another chemical pregnancy. I don't know. Maybe it is. But one thing is for sure, and that is that I'm not pregnant. Again.
So at this point, I'm ready to throw in the towel. I give up. I'm pretty sure we won't be going through with the reproductive endocrinologist at this point either, not right now at least. Thinking of forking over hundreds and thousands of dollars right now, with no guarantee is dangerous for my sanity. Honestly. I already feel completely broken. Obviously, my mind could change in a week, a month, whatever. But I need some time. I need to be happy and in a good place. Maybe adoption is in our future. I completely embrace that. Would I love to have a child of our own? Yes. But being a mother is what is important to me. And if that means through adoption, then so be it. Regardless I will love my child till the ends of the earth, whether I give birth to them or not.
So please, just don't tell me what you think I should do. Or any other unsolicited advice. I appreciate your support, and that you care. But that's all I need. I just need you to be there for us. Support our decisions. Whether you think they are the right ones or not.
The other day I got a phone call from my RE. They got the results back on the AMH Lab they did, which was checking my ovarian reserve. Typically they like to see a 3, but my number was a 3.3. Basically on the fence of good. Anything higher than a 3 is a possible (likely) indicator of PCOS which is her concern, and frankly mine too. So she said it looks pretty good, but since its above a 3, and they already have concerns of PCOS that with additional testing it might make sense of why it was over three if I do in fact have PCOS.
We have to postpone clomid until March since my trip to Arizona with my mom is RIGHT in my fertile window. Of course! But that's okay. Gives us a little more time to prepare financially and emotionally for it. It just is hard to get the ball rolling and then stop dead in our tracks.
So I am going to use this blog not only to get out my feelings, but to use this platform in order to document our journey to becoming parents. It may get very raw, and in detail as we go through certain parts of this journey, but that's just how it goes right? :)
It's crazy to think that BY tomorrow one piece of this fertility mystery will be solved. Louie is having a semen analysis first thing in the morning and by my appointment that afternoon we will have the results. Obviously I'm hoping for good results. But either way, I'm just ready for ANSWERS.
I went this morning to get the documents and whatnot, and the office is very nice, and the girl I spoke with was very friendly. I'm glad I was able to go before my appointment and get acquainted with where it is at, because I feel more at ease knowing where I'll be going and having already somewhat spoken to someone there. It seems to be a great place, and I'm excited to begin this with them.
At the same time, it seems surreal we are even having to go down this route. Its so hard to hear pregnancy announcement after pregnancy announcement and wonder why after trying so so hard and wanting this so badly it hasn't happened to us. BUT, that's a HUGE reason why I am so ready for this appointment! Its finally going to answer my questions of WHY NOT US. And no matter the reason, at least we'll finally know and can make a plan.
I know in my gut that this will be a good thing for us. I pray that finally this year, after so many years, I will finally be able to bring home our little miracle and it will be REAL, and not a far away dream.
So get ready, because Baby Rojas is getting ready to make their appearance, I just know it! And I simply cannot wait.
This January celebrates 10 years of me and Louies relationship, this October celebrates our 6th year of marriage, my 25th birthday, and Louie's 29th birthday...
For the past 5 1/2 years we never thought by this point in our lives we wouldn't have a child.
For the past 5 1/2 years, we acted as any other normal married couple, expecting and hoping it would just happen, when the time was right, as God planned.
I never thought that I would experience a miscarriage.
I never thought that we would be at a point in our lives where we might just have to accept it is just not going to happen naturally for us.
2012 is going to be the year we get answers. Its going to be the year we hopefully get our miracle.
Next week, we will be seeing a fertility specialist. Something I never thought we would have to do. But as month after month goes by, and year after year, I've accepted that this is something I need to do, and its not the big bad scary thing I thought it would be. I am ready for answers, good or bad, to move on with our life, and figure out a plan of action. I'm becoming excited for it. Simply because it is one step closer to our child, our dream.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers and we undergo the testing in order to hopefully provide us with answers we desperately need.
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