Becoming a Mom - the first 2 months

The first couple weeks of Lincoln's life at times were unbearably hard and so great at the same time. I knew that postpartum depression or the baby blues happening was a possibility but I just prayed it wouldn't happen. I dreamed of this for so long, and I just wanted everything to be wonderful...and it was...and it wasn't. I want to say probably around the time we got home from the hospital the baby blues came on. The lack of sleep, the pain from the c-section and pretty much having no clue what we were doing made it even worse I think. My hormones were just out of control. Almost the whole day I would be crying. Then crying even more because I was upset for being upset. It was a vicious cycle. My mom would text me to ask how I was doing, and just reading the text would send me over the edge and the crying would start again. I felt so much guilt for not being "happy". Even writing this I still feel some. Wondering if I could have prevented it in some way. Of course I KNOW it was out of my control. But I wanted that overwhelming happiness and love you hear about, for it to have instantly taken over me. I had still felt so cheated with my birth, and not having that moment of having him on my chest after he was born and getting that instant skin to skin time. I honestly 4 months later still feel sad about it. It makes me wonder if the situation was different and I did have the birth I dreamed of, if the baby blues wouldn't have happened. At the end of the day though, there is nothing I can change about it, and we made it out just fine. After a few days when Lincoln started sleeping better and I was able to get a little sleep here and there I started to feel much better. Its amazing how just a couple hours of sleep can help you. By 2 weeks the baby blues seemed to be gone, thank goodness. He started sleeping through the night (most nights) around a couple weeks old, I don't know how it happened but I'm not complaining! It would be so funny because he would find things and just focus on them, mostly the ceiling and shadows.

Nursing has been one of the hardest and greatest things. I really really struggled with it the first few weeks. Wondering if I was going to be able to push through. At around 2 weeks old I was ready to give up. I called a lady who rented hospital pumps and she wanted to know a little about my struggle with nursing. I told her what we were struggling with and she informed me, especially with it being so new still that by just exclusively pumping this soon could possibly dry my supply up and she recommended that I go see a lactation consultant, and if we couldn't get a handle on it to call her back and I could rent the pump. Breast feeding was something that was SO important to me. I knew it would be hard, but I never knew HOW hard. So I decided to take her advice and go see the LC and it did help a little, but more than anything it made my desire to stick it out and push through the pain come back. It wasn't until he was at least around 2 months old that it wasn't painful to nurse. It was a long road, but I'm so thankful we were able to figure it out!

11 days after Lincoln was born we celebrated his first Easter! We of course had it at my parents house and it was a lot of fun. Most of it was taking pictures of him.

Around 3 weeks old we started cloth diapering. I was afraid that with Louie just being back to work and with myself being alone with Lincoln that adding diaper laundry on top of everything would be somewhat overwhelming for me. Plus, the first two weeks Louie did 99% of the diaper changes. He was awesome. We had somewhat of a routine, especially since the first week getting up and down because of the c-section was SO hard that he was trying to make it as easy on me as possible that he just kind of took over that job. He never ONCE complained about changing a diaper. There were times he even lost sleep and got up with the baby and let me sleep because he knew how much I needed it. Ok enough bragging about my awesome husband ;)...but one day I decided to pull out one of his newborn sized cloth diapers just for fun. I LOVED IT. I was mad I waited so long to do it! It was SO easy, and he looked adorable in them lets be honest. :) From that day on we never looked back! It has been one of the best decisions we ever made.

Within the first month Lincoln was growing so much and learning new things what seemed like everyday! He was getting such a cute personality already. He makes the funniest facial expressions. Towards the end of his first month he was starting to make little coo noises and he also had his first photoshoot at exactly one month old. He did pretty good, but he wasn't a fan of the many outfit changes he had to do. He also developed thrush in his mouth around 3 weeks old. We tried SO many different medications and/or natural remedies to try to get rid of it.

May was a surreal month because it was my very first mothers day. Something I dreamed of for so many years, and I was actually able to celebrate it. We went with my parents to the Queen Mary. We thought it was very fitting to have it there. They had a special mothers day brunch, and we had an amazing afternoon. Lincoln slept through 90% of the time we were there!

At his 2 month checkup he had gone from 8.13lbs at birth to 12.13lbs. He also grew 2 inches.

His facial expressions were changing so much and he just makes the greatest faces. He was also ALMOST smiling. He LOVED (and still loves) going outside. Especially to see the horses. And bath time is still one of his favorite things. His first bath was a disaster, he cried the whole time, but ever since then he absolutely loves it.

He changed so much in his first 2 months of life, and it is so fun to watch. Sometimes I just stare at him in disbelief that he is actually mine. Louie and I catch ourselves just talking about the future, what he will be like, what his little voice will sound like, his first trip to Disneyland....its fun to think about. But I want to savor these times also and not have it pass to quickly!

Update

So I have been neglecting this blog for quite some time now.

Trying to get pregnant has been put on hold. We stopped "trying" about 5 months ago or so. Now we are just going back to how it was before we started trying. Is there a chance I could get pregnant still? Sure, but it would be a MIRACLE if that happened!

Right now we are focusing more on loosing weight. I will post a couple pictures showing how far we have come. We are just about half way to where we want to be. Well for me a little more than half way, and for my husband a little less than half way.

In March I sprained my ankle SO SO SO bad. And I was laid up for quite a few weeks. Its still not 100% but I would say its maybe 75-85%. lol. I wonder if it will ever go back to normal. We have been focusing on eating healthier and working out. We have enjoyed walking/jogging our track in the backyard (4.5 times around is a mile, so we do anywhere from 2-3 miles a day) and I have been enjoying including some workout DVDs as well. We were doing great, thennnn in June we went on a little trip, I got out of my routine and have struggled getting back into it. But I will. This journey is a bunch of peaks and valleys. It wont be a straight shot. And thats fine. It took me a long time to gain the weight, its not going to go away in just a couple months. I actually don't know how much weight I have lost because we don't have a scale. But thats ok, its less pressure I think. Eventually we will buy one, but for now I just want to focus on making this a LIFESTYLE change, regardless of what the scale says.

We are still vegetarian (for all those doubted we could stick to it lol) and loving it more and more. I've never FELT better. I've found lots of new recipes, and am enjoying cooking even more. I will have to start doing recipe blogs again. Hopefully. lol.

In about a month it will have been a year since we moved to the ranch. I enjoy it, but its tiresome, and a lot of work. Especially now that its getting bloody hot again, by the time I do my chores outside and I come in, I'm SO done lol. My horse has been having lameness issues though so I haven't been able to ride her as much. Now she can only walk, which is ok, I just enjoying getting on her and walking around. My mom had back surgery a few months ago and cannot ride for at least a year. So Im in charge of riding/working her horse now. He is a pain in my side for sure. But he's getting better and listening to me more. He likes to push my buttons because Im NOT my mom. I started trail riding around town again. My horse is horrible on trail but my moms is doing pretty good! I havent gone out on the trail since I was probably 11-12. So its kind of nice to do it again!

My dad has been making horse shoe signs/animals the past few months and we originally had him list his stuff on my Etsy store.( www.etsy.com/shop/caseyleecrafts ). BUT, he stuff did SO well, we decided to make him his own store on Etsy ( www.etsy.com/shop/willcapps ) and its been going great! He has me in charge of taking pictures/listing/running the store because he said he just wants to make the stuff lol. :) Its been fun, and he gets a kick out of doing it. We have even gone to a few craft shows as well!

Update- Birthdays, Homesick, Canning & Not feeling well.

Well, I am now writing to you as an official 24 year old. :) Couple days ago it was my birthday, and strangely enough it was the FIRST day in almost 2 weeks I didn't get sick during the day AND even went out to lunch! That morning my Dad brought me a sprinkled doughnut, which was nice, and told me if I was feeling up to it he would take me to my favorite little mexican place by our house for lunch. So we went and I didn't get sick the whole day. Thank goodness! Unfortunately I got a little too cocky and ate a little too much that night (even though it was hardly anything, it was more than my stomach was used to) and I ended up not feeling well that night, it was my own fault.

Yesterday I hung out with one of my best friends Heather, and my friend Brittney who I hadn't seen in YEARS and her 2 year old little boy Atom. We had a great day, we went back to that little mexican place for lunch, and came back to my house for a couple hours and hung out. Atom had never seen a horse in person, so he had plenty to see in my backyard. Unfortunately, he was a little scared, every time the horse would look at him he would say "no mama!" It was pretty cute. So we drove around on our little John Deer cart, and he got a kick out of that. Later that night once Louie got off work we went to this Sushi restaurant, and it was really good! It was really nice to be able to just hang out with friends on a whim again. Before living an hour away, it was an ordeal to plan and drive somewhere, and it didn't happen very often. It was nice.

In regards to the homesick feeling I was having, it is slowly fading away. I knew it would. It just takes time. I think now that I'm feeling better, seeing friends, and the house is getting together more, I'm starting to feel more myself and happier in general. I'm definitely happy about that.

For my birthday my husband got me two things, one was something I had no idea he was getting...when I was little my mom used to collect Precious Moments for me, and we are big big Disney/Disneyland people and I noticed that Disney has a Precious Moments collection. I've always wanted to get them for our child one day. So my husband saw they had some at Hallmark apparently and wanted to get one to start the collection. He bought me the little snow white on a rocking horse. Its adorable.

The other thing he bought me, is what I asked for. I have been REALLY researching and watching a ton of youtube videos on water-bath canning foods. I originally started to look into this because I wanted to make a large batch of my marinara and have a ton on hand. So I started researching and seeing how to do it, what supplies I would need, and I realized I really wanted to do it. So he bought me a set that came with the large pot, and all the utensils I need. I am very excited, I also want to try to make some jams, salsas, and pie fillings. I figure they would be great gifts too.

Saturday is my family birthday get together. It is supposed to be OVER 100 degrees here tomorrow though, and originally I wanted my dad to BBQ, but, I changed my mind lol. So we will be going out to lunch. I am excited about that. Then Wednesday I'm going to my best friend Amandas house, who happens to only live a street over, and her boyfriend who is the king of BBQing I have decided, so I'm really excited to that also.

So things are looking up. I'm so thankful I'm finally feeling better, now I just need to get my craft room/office put together so I can start doing my crafts again! :)

Adjusting

So its been about 5 days since we've been in the new house and that I have been learning the ropes of being the "farm manager". Its been an adjustment to say the least, but, I think I'm catching on pretty quickly. Its not difficult, just dirty, and time consuming. lol. The dirty part is the part I'm having to get used to the most. I have hay everywhere. Seriously. I have never sneezed so much in my life either! First day feeding at night with my dad, we were in the feed room, and he was showing me how to do it all, and I gasped to sneeze and as I breathed in before the sneeze I sucked in a FLY! Yes, a LIVE FLY! It got stuck in my throat. I was sucking down water, trying to throw it up so bad. Oh gosh, it was disgusting!! But, hilarious none the less. My dad had no idea what the heck was wrong with me! lol!

 Still feeling pretty sick. If I don't feel better soon I'm going to have to make a doctors appointment. I've hardly eaten in like, 4 days. Its not good. Last night I tried to eat chicken noodle soup and toast, and all I could eat were the veggies out of the soup, and the toast. The rest I couldn't stomach. But I was STARVING. lol. I was watching TV so angry because it seemed like in everything I was watching people were eating the most delicious looking food and I was so jealous lol! I can't wait to eat. BUT, with being sick I've lost a few pounds, that's a plus right? lol. Anyway, the point of this blog, is to say that I am adjusting, slowly but surely.